Merry Happy. 2nd Edition

A Challenging Challenge: Self Portrait & Being Genuine

10:36 AM

Day one of the photography challenge was a "self portrait." This challenge turned out to be especially challenging for a number of reasons. 1. I don't actually have a tripod. 2. I don't have a camera remote and it took forever for me to figure out how to make the app that is supposed to connect with my camera work and 3. I'm just really not a fan of pictures of myself right now.

The fact of the matter is, these days I try to spend as much time as possible BEHIND the camera, often just to avoid being in front of it. I've been struggling with some self-image issues for well over a year, and in January I finally took steps to make a change. I had a friend who I was working out with consistently (2-3 times a week), I was really watching what I ate and doing a pretty good job at it -- I even had an app on my phone to track calories and all that stuff.

And then I got pregnant.

Needless to say, it wasn't long before I was throwing up 2, 3 or 4 daily, while teaching 6th grade (which was exhausting even before all that), and my energy and will-power to be physically active were quickly . . . nonexistent. I still tried to eat fairly well, but when the mere thought of most food literally made me gag (and sometimes actually made me throw up) and then I would finally think of something that DIDN'T make me want to cry and throw up at the same time...I ate that thing. And I can assure you, for me, that thing was not usually salad. (Sidenote: It is far too easy to justify eating a bowl of ice cream for dinner when you're 80% sure your body is just going to reject it in a short matter of time anyway...)

I know I should be so happy that my body is healthy enough to grow a strong, healthy baby (so far so good anyway) and I've read probably 30+ articles about appreciating bodies of all shapes and sizes and "your body is not your own" and "your body is merely a vessel for your baby." I recognize that the human body is truly miraculous, especially with its ability to create and sustain life, and I am so blessed that I can take part in that miracle. But, as great as all that sounds, and as much as I even believe that it's true, it doesn't really make me feel better much about my body image. For a while I totally fell off the healthy-life style bandwagon, and now that I finally have a lot more energy and the throwing up has calmed to a few times every few weeks, I've decided it's time I pull myself back on the wagon. But it's a daily struggle.

How was that for an overly-personal explanation of why this was an especially difficult first task?? haha.

When it came to actually TAKING the photo, the first decision I had to make was, do I "get ready" for a self-portrait photoshoot?? Like how silly would it feel to do my hair and put on make up just so I can sit in front of a camera take pictures of myself?? I decided that would feel preeeetty darn silly, so I consented take it how I was. (Full disclosure: I did change my shirt and throw a headband over my day-three hair.)

Next, I had to figure out where to take it. Living in a basement doesn't provide the best natural light in the world, but I decided to venture into my newly de-cluttered and reorganized living room to take it. (That seemed like a much better option than suffering through the awkwardness and embarrassment of trying to take it alone outside with people walking by . . . HAHA. Can you imagine??) After some major fails with the lighting and settings on my camera, I found a way to get some good natural light with a decent background that wasn't too busy or too boring. (Also, I found some cardboard boxes to stack on top of each other to use as a tripod.)

100% make-up free, 100% un-touched or edited, 100% awkward, self-portraits:

I often think about the balance of being open, honest, and genuine on my blog while not over-sharing. I know people have different ideas about what is appropriate to share on a public platform such as this one, and I try not to cross the line of being overly-personal, but at the same time I want this blog to be an accurate and authentic depiction of my life, and that includes my day-to-day struggles. I've especially been thinking about this balance as I have reflected on President Uchtdorf's conference talk On Being Genuine. I definitely do not want to feel that I am putting up a "Potemkin Village" and causing people to falsely believe that I have my life 100% together, but at the same time, there is already more than enough negativity on the internet and I don't want my little corner of it to add to that negativity. I typically only share things that I feel are uplifting, or at least happy, but I think it's important to not get so caught up on sharing only happy things, that I give the false impression (to my future self, or my children who may someday read this blog) that my life isn't without its challenges.

Sometimes I have a hard time expressing my feelings out loud, so I don't often talk about hardships I'm facing. I feel like I'm a fairly open person, but in reality I am only that way in particular settings and in particular moods that come along less often than I would like. Fortunately, I have found that I have a much easier time expressing myself through writing than through speaking, so when things are too hard for me to say, I write. For this reason, I am especially grateful to my little blog.

Do you have a blog? How do you determine a balance between being real but also uplifting?

_ _ _
han.

family

Family Reunion

12:14 PM

In the sake of full disclosure, I will admit that my 30 Day Photo Challenge took a bit of a backseat this past week as I spent time in California with my family. Haha I don't know what I was thinking starting that RIGHT before I went out of town. But now I'm back and I have a few picture-posts in the works, so stay tuned! Like I mentioned before, the main reason I started the photo challenge was to simply get myself taking more pictures, and my mom asked that I compile a little video with memories from the reunion, so I was able to spend some quality time with my camera working on that.

When it comes to family reunions, my mom (the master planner - literally, this woman made a to-scale model of the reception center where we had our wedding reception) does not mess around! Every day had ample activities to keep the 9 children (aged 8 and under) as well as the adults (there are 12 of us now!) entertained and having fun.

Some notable activities included:

+ Adventure Playground in Berkley (a family favorite park for as long as I can remember)

+ A family-history scavenger hunt (that was organized by my sister Sarah, and BOY was it creative! I was blown away with how cool the tasks were)

+ Scandia (the play area was a big hit, even for my older brother, Joseph, and brother-in-law, James, who had a lot of fun throwing the ball-pit balls at each other as hard as they could -- which, I should mention was blatantly against the rules ;))

+ Swimming at a family friend's house

+ Sealings at the Sacramento LDS temple

+ A service project (aka tidying up the property by moving/laying mulch, and laying a brick path, which if you know my Dad, this shouldn't come as a surprise ;))

+ Sunsplash Water Park

+ Learning about Family History through activities and devotionals

+ Flinders vs. In-Laws basketball game (which was taken seriously by some and not-so-seriously by others, I won't say to which group I belonged baha)

+ Family Olympics (an opening ceremonies parade was, of course, necessary)

+ Country Dancing

And more!

Here's the little video I made showing snippets from the week. If you're going to watch it (which, I'll be honest, I don't know how interesting it will be for people outside of family) I HIGHLY recommend changing it to HD because it will do wonders for the quality of the video.

Hopefully the video can show just a small part of how much fun we have together as a family. I am so lucky to have such great siblings, in-laws, parents, and nieces and nephews! It's crazy to think that at the next family reunion in two years, Stephen and I will have a little baby of our own! Except, she'll almost be a toddler! That's a weird thought. A weird, happy one. haha.

_ _ _

han.

Weekending.

Merry Happy List: 9

A Challenging Challenge: Self Portrait & Being Genuine

Family Reunion

WELCOME

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