I've never been very consistent at blogging. I go from posting multiple times a week, to an entire month without a post. At one point I felt like every post started with "It's been so long since my last post..." etc, that I swore that I would never start a post like that again. But yet here I am wanting to almost apologize for my month-long absence. Which, let's be honest, seems ridiculous...so I won't. But instead I'll include this stupidly long introduction explaining my thoughts regarding the subject. 

     
I was going through my camera and I realized I had a bunch of pictures from when we visited temple square that I never posted. Since it's Friday and yesterday was Thursday I figure "throwbacks" are perfectly acceptable, right? ;)

 We had a really fun time at temple square the night before we flew out to Iowa (Dec 20th). We drove Isaac and Chelsee to the airport and then went to the Salt Lake Temple for an endowment session. It was especially meaningful because that was the first time we'd gone to the Salt Lake Temple since we were married. After the session we went to Stephen's grandpa's house (who doesn't live too far) for a delicious dinner of roast and potatoes (side note: we made a roast for the first time in the crockpot this past Sunday and OH MY WORD it was so good!). We visited with him and Stephen's aunt and uncle for a bit before heading back to temple square to see the lights. They were BEAUTIFUL! This year was especially cool now that I have even more of a connection with the Salt Lake Temple. It was a really fun evening! Despite the fact that it was like 20-something degrees and Stephen stepped in a puddle so his socks got wet and started to freeze. We enjoyed walking around and taking pictures and then going inside the visitor's center for a few minutes to get warm, and then going outside to enjoy some more.

Unfortunately, the evening took on a bit of a sour note when we got back to our car only to realize that we'd gotten a parking ticket!!!!! We were parked close to a sign that said "do not park beyond this sign" but we thought it'd be okay since only about a foot or so of our car was beyond the sign. Apparently not! On the way home we were both a bit bummed, but then I read Stephen a blog post my sister Rebekah wrote about their awful 25 hour roadtrip with their three young children ON their 6 year wedding anniversary. The trip included: multiple diaper blowouts, two cracked hubcaps, 39.5 total hours spent in the car, and to top it all off - a speeding ticket!

By the time we got home we were laughing so hard (especially at the part where my sister helped her son pee in a water bottle in the car) the parking ticket didn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I'm sure Rebekah and James will be able to someday laugh about all their misfortune on that trip as well, but maybe it's still a little too soon. :)

We went to sleep that night grateful for a good day and for the fact that we didn't have to go through what Rebekah and James did. ...Little did we know the series of unfortunate events that would follow us the very next day in our efforts to get to Stephen's house in Iowa. Haha. I'm so grateful I married a man who can laugh when things don't always go as planned.

I'm officially two weeks into my last semester of classes at BYU.

It's so exciting and scary that this chapter of my life is almost over. Sometimes I get REALLY REALLY excited about finally being a teacher (since it has been my dream literally for as long as I can remember) and other times I am SCARED. BEYOND. BELIEF.

Who am I to think I'm qualified for such an insurmountable task?
Who am I to think I have the ability to teach students concepts in a way they can understand?
Am I really ready to have to get up every morning at 6:00 (or earlier depending on where I get a job) and then stay up late into the night solidifying lesson plans and gathering materials?
Am I ready to have 30 (give or take) students depend on me for HOURS every day?
I am ready to be constantly worrying that I'm not doing enough?

These are the fears that enter my mind on a daily to weekly basis.

My literacy class this semester is taught by Brad Wilcox, who funnily enough has always been kind of a celebrity to me. Growing up we had a couple of his talks on tape and  I LOVED listening to them. At one point I had his talk "Saving the World One Lunch Period at a Time" memorized almost word for word! Not long after joining the El Ed program I saw him walking in the hall one day. I had no clue who he was until I heard him start talking to someone else in the hall. I recognized his voice immediately! And now, in my very last semester of classes, I get to be one of his students.

On the first day of his class, Monday after Christmas break at 8:00 am (needless to say I wasn't feeling particularly happy to be back at school...) he calmed all of my fears. He talked about how difficult it probably was for each of us to choose the path of Elementary Education (especially with all of the negative stigmas attached to it at BYU). He expressed his sympathy for the many negative reactions people give when you announce your major to a group of people. He assured us that El Ed IS a real major regardless of what people may tell us. And that just because we want to teach elementary kids, doesn't mean we can't think above an elementary level. I could relate to almost each situation he presented and found myself nodding vigorously in agreement more than once throughout the class period.

And then, without taking a beat. He calmed all of my fears. He inspired me. He motivated me and made me so excited to finally get into the classroom. This is what I want to do for my students. I thought to myself over and over again. This is what teaching really is. 

It's so easy, especially at this point in the major, to get really overwhelmed with all of the content and the core standards and the lesson planning, to get caught up in the nit-picky things. Don't get me wrong, I know those things are important too, but when I think about my favorite teachers throughout my life, I don't remember specific concepts they taught, I remember how they made me feel. Even now, just two short weeks after that first class, I can't really remember what Brother Wilcox said, I just remember I came out of that room ready to take on the world.

I know teaching will be exhausting and frustrating and challenging, and it will probably put my weaknesses out in plain sight for all the world to see. But even still,

I didn't think having a job was going to be an option this semester because of my crazy school schedule. For the month of November I will be going daily to Jordan School District and unable to work from 7:00 am - 4:00 pm.

BUT, when Stephen and I got back to Provo and real life started (we started talking about our budget)...I realized how much having a job could potentially help our newly-wed situation.

I decided to stop by the Media Lab in the library and and ask if by slim chance they were hiring. When I had been there a month previous (editing the video I made for our luncheon/reception) I overheard the employees talking about openings for fall. To my surprise, they were still looking to hire one more person.

With much love and encouragement from Stephen - I sent in a resume.

It was after I sent in the resume that I saw the job description posted on the BYU job's website:

"In your email please include how you would rate yourself in the following programs:
Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Flash, Premier, After Effects, Audacity, Final Cut, and
Blender (or other 3d editing software)." 

I literally laughed out loud - I'd only heard of a handful of those programs - let alone used them.

I realized then exactly how unqualified I was, and how silly I was for even applying. (Not to mention the fact that I can't even work from 7-4 during the month of November.)

That night I voiced to Stephen how I was feeling. He was completely unsympathetic. "Hannah. You are good at that stuff. I know you can do it," He said. (Rude.)

The next morning I received an email back from the supervisor that said, "I noticed you're a senior in EL ED, does that mean you're in practicum this semester?" (Oh great. I thought. Even if I'd had a shot at the job before I'm sure I won't now because of my crazy schedule.)

Miraculously, I was still asked to come in for and interview, and to my utmost disbelief - the following morning I was offered a job.

OH my tender mercies.

Am I intimated by what I'm supposed to be doing? Absolutely.
Am I intimidated by many of my coworkers who know far, far, FAR more than I do? Absolutely.
Am I intimidated by the film, graphic design, and advertising majors who frequent the lab? Absolutely.
BUT. Am I thrilled to learn about all of these incrediblely cool programs and expand the small skill set that I do have?  Absolutely. 

I am so grateful for this opportunity and blessing the Lord has given me to develop my talents.

I'm so grateful for Stephen encouraging me to do something that pushed me beyond my comfort zone. (It seems like he has a habit of helping me pursue my dreams - like when he gave me the courage to pursue Elementary Education.)

HIS


MINE